You know that getting through all the healthy California living hoops has become vaguely ridiculous when in the same morning – before work – you manage to do all of the following:
- Empty out buckets of shower water onto the garden vegetables. There’s a drought, so each drop is precious.
- Treat the vegetables with organic neem oil (mixed with shower water) for powdery mildew.
- Pour the rest of the shower water over my feet standing in a garden bed to wash off the oil and water mixture.
- Pick young swiss chard leaves from the garden for you ultra-healthy morning smoothie (Soy milk, OJ, berries, greens, bee pollen, flax seed, grated coconut, chia seeds, goji berries and protein powder).
- Carefully put aside the chard stems into the scrap container to feed to the special worms in the wormery later on.
- Drink your smoothie with green tea, not black. You don’t use any honey (yes, honey, not sugar) with green tea unlike the 1/2 teaspoon you use with black.
- Measure out this week’s vitamins in a day-by-day container.
- Take today’s set of vitamins.
- Add zucchini pasta to your lunch container so you’ll eat more vegetables.
- Realize that you actually own a kitchen gadget that makes zucchini pasta.
- Yes, the zucchini is from your garden. Yes. It’s organic.
- Choose the best two home grown (did I mention they’re organic?) tomatoes for your lunch salad.
- Look at a twist tie that you use for tying up bags of bin goods at the health food store. Effortlessly translate “6022” into “raw almonds.”
- Wash all the dishes with as little water as possible. On then off, on then off, on then off goes the tap until they’re all done.
- Throw out the plastic tea cup you got from drinking low sugar Boba tea the night before. Carefully check that the lid of your plastic container is recyclable. Whew! It is. Regret that the straw isn’t.
- Feel guilty that after all this, you’re out of time and you’ll have to drive instead of bike 9 miles to work. All that carbon footprint! After all, you managed it yesterday!
Forget about Jewish or Italian guilt. What about the guilt at not living up to the California pure living dream??
Finally, I grab the keys – and drive my (dusty) car to work.